Millstone
by WP
Summary: Spencer and Ashley go to a party. How does it end up?
1. Chapter 1

-1**AN: **Hey. Ok, this is part one of a little fic. Set maybe around mid to late season 1. There's no Aiden, nothing personal just don't feel comfortable writing him, still new to this fandom. Anyway, hope you like it.

**Millstone**

Spencer was giddy. She was going to her first LA house party. It'd been a while since she'd last gone to one, the last one she remembered was a few weeks before they left Ohio. And even better news was she had gotten permission to spend the night at Ashley's because she lived a 2 minute walk from the party. Of course it was for safety reasons - and Paula didn't know. She was working all night and morning and Arthur and her had agreed to just not tell the doctor. Neither wanted to face an argument over a simple sleepover.

Ashley entered her room with 2 vodka's and sat down next to Spencer on her sofa.

"Remind me why we're going to this thing?"

Spencer grinned, "Because it's going to be fun and it's the first party I've been invited to since I got here."

Ashley sighed playfully. "Fine. So I'm supporting my loser friend."

Spencer smacked Ashley's arm. "Shut up or I'll uninvited you."

Ashley laughed. "You wouldn't do that."

Spencer smiled, "No, I wouldn't."

The mood had gone from playful to deeply serious so Ashley done what she done best and avoided it. She jumped up and downed the rest of her vodka. "Let's get to this 'totally kick ass' party."

Spencer finished up her drink and followed the brunette out. "And that's just how Stacy talks. You can't mock her like that in her own house."

Ashley smiled, she thought it was cute how Spencer would always chide her when she was rude. "I know, Spence, I know."

It was a pretty typical part. They'd been there maybe an hour or so and the alcohol was flowing but not to extreme's like she was sadly used to, this definitely wasn't a rager - the kids were those middle way one that weren't popular but weren't losers either. The ones who were sometimes overlooked.

But Ashley had to admit, it was fun. There was poker, drinking games, even a family guy room. Music wasn't great but when is it ever at such things?

It seemed right that these were the types of people Spencer would attract - nice, decent, normal people.

"Hey Ash! Come tell these guys about the time you met Chris Carrabba. They don't believe me!" Spencer pouted calling her over.

She smiled and walked over to the group and had to hide her uneasiness when Spencer pulled Ashley down onto her lap since there were no more seats but the blonde had thought nothing of it.

Then the group started quizzing her. "So! What was he like?"

"What are his tattoo's like up close?"

"How was his hair?"

Ashley couldn't help but laugh. "He was pretty normal, kinda shy. And geeky. He just talked about the Buffy game."

They laughed at the information. "That's cool. How'd you meet him?" Stacy asked.

"He was at one of my dad's shows last year and came to the after party."

Dave started to fill some shot glasses. "Some tequila in honour of Chris 'emo poster boy' Carrabba!" He declared.

Everyone cheered and took their shot. Ashley hoped it'd make her forget the fact she was on Spencer's lap.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Hey. Sorry, wanted to get this up before 209 but obviously didn't quite happen. The wine made me forget lol. Oh, and if by some weird conincidence someone who puts SoN torrents up reads this, please put up 209 soon before I wear out my refreash button. Enjoy guys and thanks for your reviews.

**Part 2**

A couple of hours later the girl's found themselves in the family guy room which consisted of a couple of sofa's and a couple sitting on the floor not really paying attention to anything.

Ashley snorted at some random joke in the show causing Spencer to look at her. She smiled. "it's good when you laugh, you don't do it enough."

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks Spence. Are you drunk? Or do you really just think I'm like depressed?"

Spencer laughed then laid her head on the brunette's shoulder. "Of course not. I just think I like you happy. And I'm a little drunk."

"Damn right."

"Hey, enough of the rock star attitude, I can handle it, you think I never drank in Ohio? And your just as tipsy."

Ashley raised an eyebrow. "Fair enough. Sorry, I just forget you had a life before LA."

"Yeah, me too."

Ashley couldn't figure out the blonde's tone so she shrugged Spencer off her shoulder so she could look at her. At the same moment the smooching couple got up and left mumbling something about drinks or sinks. Neither girl was listening.

"I've never asked you if your happy here."

Spencer considered it. "I'm not sad and I do like it here. I've got you and Aiden. But thing's are different here. I'm different here."

Ashley pushed a strand of Spencer's hair off her face. "what's Ohio Spencer like?"

The blonde shrugged, "Pretty oblivious. She thought everything was so simple and set in stone. But I'm here and I know it's not. I know there's options and it scares me that I'm glad things are so unstable. That I'm glad I'm not still in Ohio living the life I thought I was meant to have rather than a life I make for myself."

Ashley wasn't sure how to respond. What did Spencer mean? It was a little bit too cryptic for her to rushing in assuming and getting it wrong. "Your life is yours, you get to live it anyway you want. And I want you to know is, I'm glad you're here. You don't know just how much you changed things."

The girls were now sitting facing one another. Spencer took Ashley's hand into her own. "Same goes for you, Ash." She let her head fall to her chest then glanced up. "I'm gonna be completely truthful. And yeah, it's probably the drink but I just hate what goes unsaid so I'm glad I'm drunk."

Ashley opened her mouth to speak but Spencer saw it coming and held up a hand to silence her.

"Please, I need to say this. I like you. More than a friend. I like you in a 'I want to kiss' you way and I've just been so weirded out because I'm not sure how you feel and I know my family won't take it well but I can't keep ignoring it cause it's making me crazy, its all I think about. Your all I think about."

Ashley searched Spencer's eyes and saw nothing but relief. Did the girl she was pretty sure she loved or was at least falling for just say she liked her? She lifted Spencer's hand to her mouth and kissed it.

"You can't just say this. Not here when your drunk with family guy in the background. You need to be sure, this can't be some drunken mistake. I can't lose you Spence. You're the only person I actually look forward to seeing at school, you make me care and I'm sorry if I've pressured you but you can't rush this."

It was obvious to her the Ashley was terrified. What she'd just said wasn't expected so of course Ashley thought it was sudden.

"There's no rushing here. The first day we met, I looked at you and I can't explain what happened. There's just something about you that I loved from the first second. And then I got to know you and love you more. You helped me find out who I am. This isn't just some phase or drunk thing." Spencer promised.

When Ashley said nothing she took that as her cue and leaned forward, letting her lips graze the brunettes.

Ashley was running on pure instinct as Spencer kissed her. In that small beginning of a kiss she'd never felt so much. She'd loved so many people and they had shot her down when she let them in. Aiden, her mum, her dad, her baby. She couldn't feel that pain from Spencer too - this time would kill her. So she let instinct kick in again and she ran.

Spencer was too stunned to chase the fleeing girl straight away. She'd actually kissed Ashley - and caused her to go sprinting from the room. Nothing to sober you up like rejection.

Spencer stood outside Ashley's house in the cool night. She'd never felt as unwelcome there as she did right then. She wasn't even sure Ashley was there but her car was still in the drive (thank god). And she couldn't just go home without trying to fix things.

She'd screwed up. She'd thought that Ashley might like her and she was wrong but surely they could still be friends.

She found Ashley in her room sitting on the sofa with her knee's drawn up. She knocked on the door frame. "Hey"

"Hey." Ashley started her pre-planned speech. "I'll understand if you wanna go home but you can take my bed. I'll sleep here."

Spencer frowned. "Your not sleeping on the sofa, Ash." She sat on the opposite end on the sofa. "I'm sorry I freaked you out by kissing you. It's ok you don't like me back but I'm just glad there's not this huge secret anymore." She paused. "We're still friends, aren't we?"

Ashley kept her gaze on her knee's. "I don't know if we should be."

Spencer shook her head like her hearing had just temporarily failed her. "What?"

"I don't think we should see one another."

She'd never heard Ashley's voice so weak. "Why? This isn't a big deal, it was one kiss, I take complete blame."

"No! It's my fault ok? You're the most normal person I know, being with a girl isn't the life your meant to have. Tonight, I really saw you and all this angst? It's not you."

"You really think there's 'normal'?" She waited for a response but didn't get one. "You have no right to tell me who I am or who I'm supposed to be. I'm in love with you and you don't get to call me abnormal for it." Spencer told her fiercely, her cheeks burning red from anger. But that soon dissolved as she starred at the mute girl before her. Her eyes swelled with tears as she spoke again. "I thought you really knew me. When you look at me, it's like you're the only one who actually see's me. And now you want nothing to do with me?"

Ashley finally spoke with a broken voice. "It's not about what I want."

Spencer reached out and put a hand on Ashley's foot - the only part of her open within reach. "What is it about?"

"You." She looked up at Spencer for a second before her eyes darted away again. "What you need. What you deserve."

"Which is?"

"A normal life. You shouldn't have to lose people because of who your with and if you'd never have come here, I never would have pushed into kissing me!" Ashley pushed her face into her knee's.

Spencer edged closer and placed her hand on top of Ashley's head but pulled back when Ashley flinched.

"Look at me." She didn't.

"Please just look at me." Spencer pleaded. Ashley looked up when she heard the tears in Spencer's voice.

"You didn't push me into anything. It was my choice, it's one I've been thinking about since I got here. Since before that even. You just helped me see who I want. You're the only person I feel completely comfortable around. Please don't leave me alone with this." Spencer couldn't hold back her tears any more as her face fell in hands.

Ashley swallowed back the lump in her throat and shakily placed her hands on Spencer's wrists and pried them away from her face. Spencer sniffled, trying to suck it up.

"Spence, I-" Her breath hitched. "I'm so scared."

Spencer laughed through her tears. "Is that not my line?"

Ashley almost smiled at that. But Spencer just wiped away the tear that she'd let fall and let her hand linger. "I know. I can't promise that things will always be ok but I know how much I love you, how you make me feel and I don't ever want to lose that. I will always be here for you." The blonde promised.

Ashley just looked at Spencer, it was like she was trying to see the future, to see that she could trust Spencer with her heart. Then she leaned forward and planted a soothing kiss on Spencer's forehead. Her hands rested on the blonde's neck as she left a kiss on each cheek. Then she almost made Spencer melt with a Eskimo kiss.

"We're sleeping on opposite sides of the bed with PJ's on." Ashley warned.

Spencer suppressed a laugh. "shut up." She whispered as she captured Ashley's bottom lip and silently vowed that she was never giving up those lips.


End file.
